The Retired Manga Character Zone
by Chris Bok Choy
Summary: What happens to manga characters after they're done? they go to The Retired Manga Character Zone, a place where they live with each other and interact each day. See what it's like for the cast of FMA each day. Random pairings...
1. DAY 1: About the House

"Aww…Chibi…you shouldn't have…"

Envy lay in his bed, amongst the pillows and comforter in a cloud of fantasies. The latest one was of Ed nervously bringing him chocolates and blushing awkwardly, then running off to his room in embarrassment.

Of course, in real life, Edward Elric hated him more than drinking milk. And that was something.

Envy turned onto his side, talking to his stuffed kitty. "Why doesn't little Chibi like me? I mean, sure liking me would make him gay, but I'm worth it, right?"

The stuffed animal looked at him dumbly with glassy bead eyes. Envy sighed. Hugging the kitty to his chest he pouted, wishing that one day, one of his fantasies, any one of them, would come true.

Meanwhile, Edward sat on the small couch in his room next to Alphonse's, going over the days events.

Ate breakfast

Ran 10 miles on the treadmill

Swam 1 mile in the pool

Did basic workout exercises (1000 push-ups, 1000 sit-ups, 5000 jumping jacks…)

Ate Lunch

Ran into Envy. Noticed Envy was _very _flustered when he walked off muttering "sorry"

Played some video games with Alphonse and Winry

Lost to Greed in an arm wrestling match

Lifted some weights

Ran into Envy AGAIN

Ate dinner

It was a pretty normal day. Ed sighed, flexing his arm and feeling it's muscles tighten as a result from his rigorous workout each day. He hated having nothing to do. But around the "Retired Manga Characters Zone" there wasn't really anything to do. It used to be that they'd have an exciting life to live, full of fighting and adventure and awesome powers. The characters would live the life of the Manga, and then be shipped off to some contained environment where the characters could interact with each other. Food, water and electricity was provided, but clothes and electronic devices were to be bought via the internet from the desktop computer with the crappy internet.

Now it was more like sitting around doing nothing but wait for some Japanese guy to decide to make another episode or volume. And since "Fullmetal Alchemist" was officially over and done, the only thing he had hope for was an omake. And those were usually boring and meant as comedy.

He got up, stretching. Greed, his work-out buddy told him if he didn't stretch often, he'd get cramped. He didn't believe him, but it worried him so much he did it anyway. Deciding to add "Went to sleep" to the list of things he did today, he began undressing out of the sweatpants and muscle shirt and into athletic shorts and a nightshirt.

As he began pulling his shirt off, Envy walked by his doorway, whistling. Glancing into the room, Envy's jaw dropped as he witnessed what Envy perceived as heaven (Edward remained unaware). As Ed pulled the black muscle shirt off Envy blushed furiously, and had a nosebleed. Fumbling for his phone, he managed to take a picture of Ed shirtless before running off so that Ed wouldn't notice.

Of course, Ed never did.

Alphonse yawned, lying down on his bed. Petting his cat, he wondered why Winry was so head-over-heels in love with Greed. Sure, he was rich, buff, and overall, very romantic. But he was also the embodiment of greed and avarice. She could get dumped in a heartbeat. And besides, Greed was already dating Lust.

And then there was Envy. It was so glaringly obvious that Envy was totally gay for Ed. But Ed, being thick-headed and just plain old _retarded_, just didn't notice. Or maybe it was because Ed was constantly admiring the shape of Winry's ass. Either way, Ed was being stupid, as always.

Ling and Lan Fan stayed in the same room, blissfully in love. They, so far, were the only couple Al thought might make it. Lan Fan moved into Ling's room and it became the new "TV Room" where Wrath and Pride, as a "father-son" project, hooked up a large 60 inch flat screen, a Blu-Ray DVD player and an Xbox 360 (All bought by Greed, the rich bastard) in the room. Then they dragged a couch and a couple chairs in there and a small table and it became the nightly meeting area for the cast to watch movies or re-live their old roles in "Fullmetal Alchemist".

However, the sounds of Ling and Lan Fan banging each other each night through the thin walls of the "RMCZ", or "The House" as it's occupants often called it, was barely worth it.

Alphonse looked at his large 6 foot tall display case, where, encased by a wall of glass, was the actual armor he wore during the series. It was currently worth 3.6 million. He also had a replacement helmet for when the original was broken or damaged during the series in there, signed. That was worth 1.3 mil. Al smiled. Perhaps one day, he'd be richer than Greed. Then he could laugh at him and taunt him.

Yes, that would be pretty awesome. But for now, he had to wait for their value to rise.

Edward glared at the glass of milk in front of him. Winry stood there, hands on her hips, with a stern look on her face.

"You are going to drink it." She said firmly. Edward twitched.

"I rather get dunked in donkey shit than drink that." He said, turning away from the milk. Winry sighed. Picking up the glass of milk she held it in front of Ed's face.

"If you drink it, I'll let you read my diary." She offered.

Ed scoffed. "Bullshit. Everyone knows that diary is totally fake and used to bargain for crap. You write fake crap like 'dear diary, today I ate some chocolate ice cream even though I wasn't supposed to…' "

She frowned. "What about…" she thought of something. "What about if you drink it, I'll let you hold one of my bras?"

Edward practically snorted blood out of his nose and into his milk. Snatching the milk and gulping it down in record time, he slammed the glass down. Winry sighed, rolling her eyes, walked to her room to retrieve the item, Edward close on her heels. _What a pervert _she thought.

Ling held Lan Fan in his arms as they watched "Home Alone 2" in the TV Room. Lan Fan snuggled up to Ling happily, content with being held by him for the rest of her life. Ling nuzzled the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her.

_My god_, he thought, _this is heaven_.

Envy loaded the picture up to his laptop, the one Greed bought him for Christmas. Nose bleeding again, Envy's eyes watered with happiness as he stared dreamily at the sight of Ed shirtless. He sighed, fantasizing again. Maybe, if he snuck into Ed's room and cuddled with him, Ed would be all '_oh since you're here I might as well snuggle with you…_'

Roy Mustang, being the nosy bastard he is, peeked into Envy's room, and saw Envy (And his boner) reaching out and touching the computer screen. Envy had a black screen on so that only whoever was directly in front of the computer could see, so Mustang immediately assumed Envy was watching porn.

So, he snuck up behind Envy. Then, he _FUCKING SCREAMED LIKE A FUCKING GIRL_ when he saw what was on the screen. Envy fell out of his chair, swearing like a trucker. Things like "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" and "YOU FUCKING PERV!" and "GET THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF MY ROOM!". Roy yelled back "ME A PERVERT? LOOK AT WHAT YOUR'E LOOKING AT! THAT'S WORSE THAN PORN! WAIT TILL ED HEARS THIS!".

Envy paled. He totally didn't think of what Ed would do if he discovered Envy's fetish for him. Fetish as in sneaking into his room and stealing his sweaty work-out shirts and practically getting high off them. Roy began stomping out of his room, determined to tell Edward about this. Envy held onto his foot, begging "please don't tell chibi about this!" or "I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" Roy had a thought. "Anything I want?"

Envy was relieved. "YES! ANYTHING! JUST DON'T TELL CHIBI!"

"So…" Roy had a mischievous face. "You'd even have sex with me?"

Envy twitched. "NO!"

Roy kicked him off. "Well then, SCREW YOU!" and he stormed off, leaving Envy to pray that Ed was secretly gay for him too.

~DAY 1 END~

_Please review! All reviews go to getting a bunch of pictures of Ed so help him recover from his current depression!_


	2. DAY 2: Roy gets Slaped

~DAY 2~

Envy awoke the next day after very little sleep, fragmented by nightmares of Edward beating him up and saying he'd never speak to him or interact with him every again, or of himself being kicked out of the Zone and moved in with another manga cast. It was horribly demoralizing, and Envy almost broke down crying. Sniffing, he got up and went downstairs, and headed into the kitchen. Winry was there, and she saw how down-cast he seemed as he plopped down and poured himself a bowl of cereal.

"What's wrong Envy?" she asked? She sat next to Envy, leaning on him gently. She had always liked Envy, he was always so shy and girl-like, yet also masculine in a way. She loved his body, slim and stream-line, but rock solid and athletic. And he did it without working out at ALL. Ed just was totally obsessed with doing whatever to keep him busy, he never spent any time with anybody. But Envy, he was the kind of person that would listen to you, he CARED. Sure, that may seem womanly to a guy, but Envy, he didn't care. He WAS gay after all.

"N-n-nuth-th-thin…" He sniffed a bit, then ate his cereal gloomily. Winry pouted. "You don't trust me? I mean, I DO know you're gay for Ed…"

Envy sat up straight. "YOU WHAT?"

Winry smiled. "Yes, I do know Envy. I've known so for a long time. But I've never told anyone. So can you trust me?"

Envy sighed, and played with his food a little. Then, "I took a picture of Ed while he was changing and he had his shirt off…"

"Aaaand?"

"I was looking at it in my room and that FUCKING BASTARD ROY CAME AND SAW AND SAID IF I DIDN'T BANG WITH HIM HE'D TELL ED!" Envy broke down and began crying, head in hands. Winry was shocked. Not only at Envy's predicament, but at Roy's fucking retardism. She hugged him, comforting him.

"It's okay, don't worry, Roy isn't that big of a dip shit." She ruffled his hair. "Please don't cry."

Envy sniffled, and shook his head. "It's no use. Ed's never gonna like me. I had no chance in the first place." He wiped his eyes and smiled a sad smile. "But thank you for helping me." He hugged Winry, and whispered "Thank you." In her ear. Then he stumbled down to his room, where he barricaded himself in cocooned in blankets and pillows with an iPod, crying gently.

Winry sat there for a little, feeling overall, sad. She realized that, unless she did something, Envy would be depressed and outcast from the rest of the cast for the rest of his life.

Roy sat in his room, pondering what he should do. If he told Ed, he'd get Ed to possibly beat Envy up. But if he didn't, he had a bargaining tool to get Envy to bang with him. Roy was bi. He liked Envy, in a weird, sort of way, but he was more into liking Riza, who was impossibly hot and he had a crush on her ever since she appeared in the series. Perhaps he should ask Greed about this, since Greed was a total pimp. Yes, Greed would know what to do.

But, as he was getting up, Winry burst in and slapped him across the face. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Roy rubbed his face, wincing. "What do you mean? Im just sitting here and you come in and slap me across the face. What kind of bitch are you?" She scowled and slapped him again. Roy fell over, surprised at her strength. But he shouldn't have, since Winry was a mechanic and worked on a couple of motorcycles in the spare time. He gulped when he saw a wrench handle sticking out from her pocket.

"I mean, why would you try to blackmail Envy to have sex with you? What are you, a rapist?" She gripped the wrench, ready to bash his face in. "What would happen," she began "If Riza knew you were gay?"

Roy choked and spluttered at the mention of Riza. Riza, a very sexy woman that Roy had his eyes (and very perverted mind) on. Winry laughed at his facial expression. She decided to use his moment of vulnerability to make her move.

"How 'bout this. If you promise to me that you will not blackmail Envy anymore, I will not tell RIza you're a gay rapist that dreams of inhaling the scent of her panties." Roy had a huge nosebleed, and immediately agreed. Her mission done, she left to tell Envy.

Yawning from his sleep, Ed stretched and got up, not very eager to start the day. It was always the same thing, over and over and over. Walking over to a small brick he had on his desk, he clapped his hands and placed them on the brick, hoping that perhaps the "alchemy" wasn't really very good special effects and it was real. But, as always, nothing happened. Even his clap didn't sound very "clap-like". Pulling some clothes from the mess that was his closet (Winry was always trying to get him to clean it up.) He pulled off his shorts and grabbed the sweat pants.

While his shorts were off, Winry walked by. Ed noticed and noseblushed (Nosebleed + blushing) and held the pants in front of his legs like a curtain. Winry laughed at him and had an idea. "Hey Edward." She started, smiling. "Can I take a picture of you shirtless with no pants on?"

Ed noseblushed much harder, and it almost seemed like he'd lose all blood curculation to his brain. "wh-wh-wha…?"

Winry pouted. "You know, because I just LOVE thinking of you…"

Ed threw his pants at his closet. "Y-y-yeah! Sure! G-go ahead!". Deciding that Winry really did like him, which was a relief, he struck a pose. Winry almost fell over laughing at Ed's retardism, and took a picture. Then thanking him she began to her room. But Ed had an idea as well.

"Um….you know, since you got a picture of me with no pants and no shirt, uh…"

"Huh? What?" Winry was confused.

"C-c-could I get a….um….a picture…of you with no shirt…..and pants?"

Ed was slapped unlike any slap he had felt before. It hurt so much he saw stars. Winry left him on his floor, dazed and possibly unconscious to her room, so she could print out the picture and give it to Envy as a cheer up gift.

~DAY 2 END~


	3. DAY 2 again: CHIIIIBII?

NOTE: Because the author(s) of this story didn't do an author's note for the first two chapters, they feel there is no need to for the rest of the story. Just FYI for those of you who have read Chris' (Kai) and his sister's (Yui) stories before.

~DAY 2 (and ½)~

"Envyyyy….."

Envy poked his head out from under the soft fluffy pillow he was suffocating himself with.

"Oh Envyyyy….I has a gift for you!" there was a knock on the door.

"Mmmmppphhh…." Envy tried (unsuccessfully) to get out of the cocoon of blankets, pillows, and comforters he had fortified himself in. Winry, becoming impatient just opened his door, one hand behind her back hiding something.

"Wha-what is it?" Envy had become cranky. He yawned and stretched, (looking strangely like Ed almost) cracking his back and neck. Then he took Winry's free hand and pulled her onto her bed. Surprised, she fell onto it with a _flop!_

Slouching and leaning back on the mountain of bedding (god knows where he got it from) he cocked his head to the side, making inquiring eyes. He looked absolutely _fucking_ adorable. She smiled and thought how nice it'd be if she got to sleep with him, not sexually, but sleep with him as if he were a plush stuffed animal. _That'd be so awesome…_ she thought._ Just to cuddle with him…_

"Hey…" Envy waved a hand in front of her face. "You still there? You're drooling on my bed."

Winry flinched and sat up, then realizing what had happened she laughed and said "Oh you know, just remembering something funny."

"Right, right…now what is this surprise?" Envy was secretly hoping she got him one of Ed's clothes again. If she knew he was gay, she probably knew about him getting high on Ed's sweat. He looked eager, and that made him look cuter, his knees bunched up together, his hands between them with his head tilted to the side, eyes searching and wide. _He's the very image of cute._ Winry thought. Holding out the picture, she smiled. "Here. I tricked Ed into doing this for you without knowing it."

Envy grasped the picture, examining every little bit on Ed's body. Now it was his turn to drool, daydreaming about…er…stuff one shouldn't daydream about in public. Hugging his stuffed kitty, he laughed and smiled so hard tears came from his eyes. He loved t! Winry was glad. So when he hugged her in happiness, the depression broken, she hugged him back, laughing with him at Ed's ridiculous pose. It was one of those "" poses, with one arm outstretched to the side, his head looking in that direction, the other arm bent to the other with his hand by his shoulder. He looked so serious, it was comical. They laughed so hard they fell off the bed together in a little heap of laughing bodies and blankets.

"Thank you so much!" Envy said happily. "I love it! I abso-_freaking_-lutley love it!" Winry smiled and hugged him again, happy with feeling him in her arms. He was like a like boy, almost, his long hair soft and washed with care. His skin soft and smooth, probably lotioned daily. Envy was so, so…

So cute.

Ed awoke from his floor, littered with clothes. In the manga/anime he was a neat person. But about a year of doing the same thing over and over, you kind of become lazy. He glanced at his clock. _An hour has passed…_ he thought. _Or is it 25? _He might've been out for a whole day. If that was the case, Winry could slap so hard she posed a national threat. He laughed at his joke. That was so stupid, but who cared? He was alone anyway.

Al burst into his room, distressed. He had that "Are-you-okay?" facial expression on. "Brother! You've been out for an hour!"

"Oh yeah. Winry slapped me."

Al rolled his eyes. "Whatever Ed, but while I was passing Envy's room, I was Winry there on his bed with him hugging!"

"YOU WHAAAAT?" Ed shot up to his full 5'6'' height, preparing to rush off to Envy's room to see for himself. But before he could, Al asked "Why aren't you wearing any clothes?"

Ed glanced down and blushed. Grabbing his clothes off the floor, he dressed quickly and rushed off, ready to head off Envy.

Winry was on top on Envy. Not sexually, but laughing and friendly. Envy was smiling and laughing, and he wasn't sad anymore.

So when Ed came in, he immediately assumed the worst. A trait that another unmentionable (Roy…. -.-) had as well. A trait that made our beloved character depressed and unhappy.

"WHAT, THE FUCK, ARE YOU _DOING?_"

Envy looked up and gasped. Winry sat up and frowned. "Ed, what the hell are you doing here?"

Ed leaned down, and punched Envy. A year of working out really put a lot of power into them punches. Envy's head was put between a fist and a hard place. Despite his cool, hard, "Im-fucking-invincible" attitude in the anime/manga, in reality, he was fragile and innocent, and he hated fighting.

So when he began bleeding from his mouth, Winry screamed and whacked Ed. But Ed would not stop. "WHY ARE YOU DRY-HUMPING MY GIRLFRIEND?"

"Girlfriend?" Winry twitched.

"I wasn't dry hump-" **punch** "I wasn't-" **punch** "Please stop!" **punch** "STOP IT CHIBI!"

"CHIIIIBIIII?"

You can tell where this is going.

Al came in and pulled a fighting Ed off, and Greed used the Zone's "Emergency Phone" to call in an ambulance for Envy. Winry cried and hugged Envy, comforting him and his battered, hurt body. Ling and Lan Fan stood like the watching bystanders you always see at a tragedy. Pride and Wrath were administering first aid and everyone else was with Ling and Lan Fan.

"E-e-e-edward…." Envy croaked from his bloody, bruised mouth.

Winry cradled him while Wrath bandaged his leg. "Don't worry, he's not gonna hurt you."

"N-n-no…." Envy reached up. "I-I-wahna forgif him….."

~DAY 2 (and ½) END~


	4. DAY 3: Oatmeal and Thrusting Pistons

NOTE: When I said RANDOM COUPLES I meant it. I literally put their names into a hat and choose a bunch of names. LingFan was the only original couple we got. SO STOP MESSAGING ME ABOUT WINRYxENVY! DX

~DAY 3~

Envy lay in pain in his bed, bandaged up like a mummy. Casts held his arms up and his face was slightly bruised. He had covered his head like the instructions on "How to survive getting jumped by Mexicans" told him to, but for the most part, his body was what Ed was aiming for. Ed struck at Envy's body on purpose to make him look pathetic and weak so that Winry would see how manly he was.

All it did was make Winry hate Ed more, and care for Envy's mess.

Winry was now his official caretaker, and that was because she never left him alone for more than about 2 minutes. She was constantly readjusting his pillows and feeling his forehead. She was also suddenly very possessive of Envy and wouldn't allow anyone else to come in.

"Ehhhh….." Envy moaned. "I'm not some sick, helpless person. I can MOVE you know."

Winry thrust his stuffed kitty at him. "Take this. AND NO you may not leave. You need plenty of rest so you can recover quickly."

"But-"

"I SAID NO."

Envy's facial expression was similar to this: =.=

As the resident chef at the Zone, Envy normally cooked breakfast for everyone on Saturdays and Sundays. He was also constantly disappointed at the fact all Ed ever ate for breakfast was a banana, a glass of orange juice and a bowl of "quik-mix" oatmeal.

So once everyone came down to the kitchen, eager to smell the frying bacon, or the baking bread and realized that Envy was incapitated, they all threw mean glares at Ed, who was sitting quietly in the corner with his oatmeal, hoping no one would see him.

He could literally feel the heat coming from their laser eyes boring into his back.

Everyone began giving him a hard time by grumbling about "what a dumbass" and "how insensitive and arrogant" or "over reactive dirty minds". They also "accidently" spilled orange and cranberry juice on him. Greed said thanks to him for taking away the gourmet meals by dumping a whole two-litter bottle of Coke on him. They ate cereal; throwing ice-cold knives of hate at him and left, making him clean it up.

Which was why Ed was wearing a frilly pink maid outfit Greed forced on him and was scrubbing the floor of the kitchen.

He didn't see Greed take a picture of Ed bending over in the maid outfit (which had a skirt) so that everyone could see his ass.

He had to run so that Ed couldn't hear him laugh his ass off.

Ed hated the skirt. He was a guy, so naturally, he had no idea how to wear it so that he wasn't constantly revealing his green and red "how the grinch stole Christmas" boxer shorts. He was always covering himself when he crouched on the ground, or was on his hands and knees, or any other exposing cleaning position you perverted fan girls out there can think of. I'm pretty sure you already did at least four when I mentioned the maid outfit.

Winry managed to get Greed a bunch more of such pictures when he showed it to her. She said it was for a "I H8 ED" scrapbook.

It was really for Envy.

Envy smiled when he saw the picture, mostly because laughing hurt his chest. He had broken an arm, fractured a leg and broke a few ribs. Had he actually had homunculus regeneration, this wouldn't be a problem. In fact, the second he was all fixed up, he'd go over to Ed and whack him.

No, he took that back. He'd apologize for hugging Winry and explain what happened. He was too gentle to hit anyone.

He recalled his days on screen, when the director was constantly yelling at him to "put more hate into it". He tried and tried and tried. But no matter what it didn't work out the way the director planned it.

He seriously did wish he was as badass as his TV self. The real Envy would sit and read the perverted fan fiction that the fan girls wrote, blushing tremendously at the lemon and fluff and all the perverted stuff. It was nice to daydream, he thought, but one day he wished it to be real.

Winry, leaving Envy for the first time for the past two weeks, left to go work on her motorcycle. It was cute watching Envy, but her motorcycle was calling to her. She wiped sweat of her forehead with the oil rag, as she tightened a bolt and repaired the pistons in the engine. Testing the pistons, she watched as one was constantly thrust in and out of the shaft, pumping oil into the engine.

_In and out. In and out._

She kept watching it, growing tired. She hadn't slept in awhile.

_In and out. In and out._

She began to doze off.

_In and out. In and out._

She was startled as Greed walked in to drive down to the local market for something. Greed was the only one qualified to leave the zone, and even then it was only to certain locations. He got into the sleek black Nissan 370z, waving to Winry as he drove out of the garage.

Seeing him reminded her of Envy, since they both played homunculi. She was so tired, so she shuffled to Envy's room. Envy had healed his arms and ribs, and the leg was fine but he still had to rest a bit before going around the house.

Envy looked up from the book he was reading as Winry came in, tired and dozing off as she walked. She flopped down onto his bed next to him and hugged him, burying her face in his chest. He was startled at the sudden strange behavior, but he cared for Winry since she cared for him as well. So he threw an arm around her and hugged her. Her response was to get closer and cuddle with him, and by then Envy was pretty tired too.

So they both fell asleep, in a lover's embrace.

~DAY 3 END~


	5. DAY 4: Mango's and stupid lemonfluff

NOTE: The author/authoress has totally dropped the story "Edward in Wonderland". They're too lazy to continue it because they don't like following a storyline. They enjoy cutting the storyline into little pieces and putting them in a blender. Or coming up with those sick, twisted storylines you insane fangirls seem to love.

~DAY 4~

Envy awoke with Winry cuddled up against his chest, which was weird, but oddly comfortable. Hugging her closer, he inhaled the sweet scent of her hair, which smelled like mango. Envy liked mangos, the way the yellowish juice ran down his chin when he bit into the juicy, sweet flesh. He tried to resist the urge to just grab her head and inhale deeply like as if he were snorting some drug. Then that would've been weird. Envy loved her soft skin. _Girls had such soft skin,_ Envy thought as he slowly rubbed Winry's arms, _maybe because they use lotion every day like I do. Twice a day, after taking a shower or warm bath. _That was something Greed liked to point out. Real men don't take baths, they took cold showers. Envy hated cold water, unless he was drinking it. Even then, he preferred a cup of coffee with plenty of cream and sugar. He'd sit on the kitchen counter, long greenish-black hair done like in the anime because he didn't know how else to wear it, with a bathrobe drinking coffee. He loved coffee.

Winry liked where she was. Envy smelled oddly of cherry blossoms, which was totally unmanly but still, it smelled good. His bare chest was smooth and warm and soft, everything a girl could want. She liked how Envy slept with no shirt on. It let her sleep more easily. Ed slept with a nightshirt, which was really pathetic. He spent all that time working out, and for no reason. Envy just looked great the way he was, partially because his high metabolism. He could just eat, and eat, and eat, and eat…As if he were a food-processing machine. Envy loved eating, which is why he learned to cook. He could cook anything, from Italian Pasta to Chinese Fried Rice. Knowing how to cook made him that much more attractive, because it meant he could do something useful, not that looking adorable wasn't useful….

Roy lay on his bed, camped out in his room. Since the Ed-beat-the-shit-outta-Envy incident, he had been waiting for the whole thing to blow over and go back to normal. Roy hated differences. He also hated how he lacked the balls to ask Riza out on a date. Perhaps he'd ask her today, he thought. But then again, what if Winry had told Riza about what he threatened Envy? Then she'd kick his ass because Riza was _super _protective of those who were weak and couldn't defend themselves. Roy just loved how Riza was like that. He thought about acting pathetically weak and hopeless in front of her, but then he decided that if he did he'd seem pathetic himself. He really did wish Riza would like him, but she always seemed preoccupied. But he never knew with what…

Greed enjoyed driving along the coast. Luckily for him, the FMA Zone was right next to the Californian coast, so he could drive his Nissan 370z with pride, while showing off his six-pack and incredible muscle mass. And his tan. And everything else that made him a chick-magnet. He could easily just walk on down to the water's surface and show off and get at least a couple to make out with and get laid. The hot, sexy fangirls were his favorite, because they were so horny and perverted, and then when they realized who they were banging with, they got even more so.

Yes, Greed just loved the California Coast.

Ed lay in his room, pondering the recent events. Lately, things were just so messed up, first the Envy problem, and then all this crap about Winry liking Envy. He knew, now he did, because Al had to pound it deep into his head, and he cursed himself for not seeing it. Of course Winry liked Envy, mainly because he was so damn pathetic! He was like a helpless kitten in the rain, so cute and stupid you just had to take him in. Fucking sonofabitch.

Ed booted up his laptop and began reading some Fanfiction. It was nice to keep up with what the fangirl population thought of him. Clicking on "Fullmetal Alchemist", he scanned the first few Fanfiction.

"Heart Shaped Glasses, by Cyber Vampire Punk." It sounded interesting. So he clicked on it.

So it was boring. It was just him in school. Blah blah blah. He decided on skipping a few chapters...

AND HOLY SHIT.

It went straight to the lemon/fluff. And guess who it was with?

Him and Envy. What the hell was wrong with people nowdays? He slammed his laptop shut and punched the wall, resulting in loud yelling from Lan Fan and Ling next door. Apologizing, he lay down again.

Envy, must, die.

Ling and Lan Fan were sorry for Envy. They liked his gentleness and often talked to him about life. They also hated Ed. Coincidink? I think not.

~DAY 4 END~

NOTE: The author is busy playing "Pockie Ninja". What the fuck are you looking at, don't judge me.


	6. DAY 6: Ed Epic Fail

NOTE: Before anyone asks me "What the hell Pockie Ninja is" or "Why you put these screwed up pairings together" or "WHY WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY THEIR POWERS YOU SICK JERK", remember, I explained all of this in previous chapters. Aside from the Pockie Ninja thing. Pockie Ninja is Naruto vs Bleach chibi style. It's fun, and you should try it.

ANOTHER NOTE: Those of you who went to Kamori-Con*, you can go to that firey place downstairs. **wink wink**.

*Kamori-Con was a cosplay convention in Washington. Chris has seriously wanted to go there and was planning to dressed as either

a) Tyki Mikk ( Man)

b) Hisagi Shuhei (Bleach)

c) Kaien (Bleach)

d) Kazuki Muto (Buso Renkin)

REVIEW WITH YOUR OPINION ON WHO CHRIS SHOULD HAVE GONE AS.

(Haha Chirs loves referring to himself in Third Person. Don't judge the asian.)

Oh and sorry for not updating forever's. Kinda busy ya know?

~DAY 5~

Ed put his plan to kill Envy in motion the next morning.

Tip-toeing his way around the nefarious trap he placed in the kitchen, he grinned evilly. His contraption consisted of a string tied to the knob that held a bucket balanced on a ledge. When the door opened inward, the bucket would spill it's ammonia into a tub of bleach*. Ed, wearing a gas mask, would lock the door behind Envy and watch him die...slowly...

*Bleach + Ammonia = Poisonous Gas

Hearing footsteps, Edward positioned himself in front of the tub of bleach so he could dash to the door and lock it. As the footsteps reached the door and the doorknob began to turn, Edward realized two things:

One, the door opened OUTWARD, not inward.

Two, Envy was on bed rest. So there was no way he would be at the door anyway.

"Ah crap..."

Greed quietly turned the doorknob to the kitchen, trying to sneak a few doughnuts before dinner. Lust hated it when he ate before dinner, primarily because she tried to cook and he used it as an excuse to not eat the food because frankly, Envy was a much better chef.

Pulling the door open, he felt a tug and he saw the bucket fall. Right onto Edward Elric's head, upending itself onto him. Greed burst out laughing at Ed, whos eyes widened at his miscalculations.

Suddenly, Ed began to scream and writhe in pain as he rolled on the ground, soaked in ammonia. Greed laughed even harder. "Dude, any attempts to get anyone to like and or pity you are gonna FAIL." Greed laughed until tears got in his eyes, until he noticed horrible burns and skin damage all over Ed's body.

"Holy shit!" Greed grabbed a pair of dishwashing gloves and dragged the poor **cough cough** chibi to the sink. Taking a bowl and filling it with water, the panicked once-homunculus dumped water on top of Ed's head. Then, picking the burnt, poisoned child up in his towel wrapped arms, he ran into the bathroom where Al was getting ready to shower. With a loud "Hey!", Greed kicked the blonde kid out of the bathroom, he dumped Ed-chibi into the tub and turned the water on, forgetting to turn it all the way to warm. This resulted in cold water pouring onto a mass of burnt, exposed flesh, which resulted in Ed screaming his butt off.

The ambulances came about five minutes later, carrying Ed out on a stretcher wearing HAZMAT* suits. A poisonous gas team came in and moved the whole cast, including that one random soldier guy from the last volume, and that one annoying chick from episode eleven of FMA Brotherhood.

*HAZMAT=Hazardous Material

Now, with two cast-members of incredible status down, the rest of the cast (who were moved temporarily to a hotel until the poisonous gas was cleared) gathered around Greed, who told them about what happened. After he was done, Lust slapped him because if he hadn't tried to sneak a few doughnuts, Ed might've realized the errors and not have gotten burnt. Then again, everyone was slightly glad he did, because they all wanted to do him in somewhere deep inside.

Winry was tending to envy, lying on a bed in a room shared with Greed. The recent **cough** fail **cough cough** had left Envy in a restless state, primarily because:

Winry wouldn't leave him alone.

CHIBIII!

Being carried out of your room on a stretcher isn't exactly the best thing ever.

Envy heard Ed got second-degree burns on much of his body, and might've died from the poison seeping into his burnt flesh had Greed not kicked Al out of the shower (Al wasn't very happy being locked out of the bathroom naked). Of course, with Al, there isn't a revenge drive thing, so Al let it go after "accidently" throwing a football at his head.

Envy, being medically allowed to get up and move FINALLY, was being restrained by Winry, who thought some extra rest would do him good. Winry, who was actually quite strong and could summon a monkey wrench at will, was quite persuading, and Envy cowered in his bed, trembling in fear at the wrench wielding cuckoo.

So he was stuck watching the crappy TV in hotels that everyone hates because it takes a full three seconds to change a channel and you always go straight to that annoying ordering channel when you turn it on. There wasn't even good channels, so Envy as missing his favorite soap operas and "91210", "Jersey Shore" and "Bachelor Pad". He was stuck watching "Hallmark" and "Disney".

Luckily, they had Internet, so Envy was allowed to read M-Rated Edvy Fan-fiction, which Winry disapproved.

"He was trying to KILL you!" she argued.

"But he didn't."

"It's the thought that matters"

"It's easier to hate than forgive."

"SO?"

Envy sighed and continued typing his own seriously cripplingly mind scarring Edvy, typing out a really hot shower make-out scene. Winry rolled her eyes and continued watching Discovery Channel.

Greed, lying on his back with his hands laced behind his head, sighed and closed his eyes trying to sleep for the four-billionth time. He failed as Winry found something else to bother Envy with (His soda-drinking habit) and began engaging Envy with "Why do you keep drinking unhealthy things?" and "Soda is really bad for you!". She even attempted to enlist Greed's help, which he peacefully refused, remaining neutral.

"Things are going crazy around here." He muttered, sandwiching his head between two pillows, and bundling up in blankets, trying to block out "Envy, at least drink some milk!"

Greed seriously hoped things would go back to normal soon. Then again, this WAS normal for this group of crazy people.

~END~

Chris: I am totally sorry for the long wait, kinda forgot about Fanfiction, because of school, AP tests, ehhh…

Envy: You forgot me? Im freaking INJURED for crying out loud.

Chris: Technically, you're not anymore.

Envy: Technically, you're a douchebag.

Winry: Envy! Stop being rude! He could make you die or something you know.

Chris: Heheh, technically, to you guys, im god. ^^

Ed: Oh my, God, don't hurt us, have mercy. Pfft, god my ass.

Chris: **types something furiously**

Ed: **Gets hit by a smartcar, then run over by a prius**

Envy: ED!

Winry: YES!

Chris: Ahhh….*types more*

Ed: *Comes back to life*


	7. DAY 7: Hotels and Hospital Zombies

Today I have made a FictionPress (FanFiction's sister site for Poetry and Original Stories) so I can post a whole load of Emo Poetry I made during a few years when I was deep in the heart of relationships. I've only had three and I'm already scared of the next one. (haha, Fangirls, don't worry, I love fangirls. I've only dated fangirls so far, and I must say they are amazing). If you wanna read them, my FictionPress is the same as my FanFiction, Chris Bok Choy. At the time of typing this chapter of TRMCZ, I just made it literally 5 minutes ago while cradling my baby brother (He's a cute little Asian baby) and so I have to wait two days because their anti-spam thing. =.=

I HAVE DECIDED TO RE-DRAW THE NAMES FOR COUPLES FOR YOU PISSY FANGIRLS. THERE WILL BE SECOND RELATIONSHIPS, WHICH I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WILL AFFECT THE STORY. I AM ALSO CONSIDERING TO CHANGE THE STORY TO "M" AND ADDING LEMON/FLUFF, AND FAP. COMMENT WITH YOUR IDEAS!

The Retired Manga Character Zone: Day 7

P.S: For some odd reason every time I type in D Gray Man the way it's supposed to. It turns out like -Man. Stupid Fanfiction….(I don't mean that. I love FanFiction.)

The next morning, Greed woke up tired and yawning to a clock that said 7:30. Without Winry in the room (Winry was forbidden to stay with the guys. The manager of FMA separated the Men and Women, much to Ling and Lan Fan's disappointment.) the room felt so much more quiet. Then again, Winry left at 2 AM, meaning Greed only got 5 and a half hours of sleep. Got dammit.

Glancing over at the other bed, Greed noticed Envy bundled up in those cheap, crappy blankets you see in the hotel that provide no warmth, hugging at least four extra pillows Winry called the front desk for. Jesus, She'd kick everyone out of their rooms for their blankets and pillows for Envy. Envy was snoring gently, sleeping as if he were deprived of sleep for the past week. Greed certainly felt like that.

The door burst open and hell broke loose when the fa girl parade arrived. There were literally, about twenty of them swarming the place and practically raping him and Envy. Envy awoke, startled by the army of groping, frenzied fangirls hungry for a lock of his hair, or to feel his body.

Greed fought them off, but it was useless. Their sheer numbers overwhelmed him as he felt physically violated when they groped and felt his body. Jesus, he thought, I didn't think they were this horny…

Then Winry arrived on the scene.

Since most Fangirls either:

Dislike Winry by herself, only in a pairing.

Hate Winry cause they want to rape Ed themselves.

Want Winry to die soley based on her personality.

Or

Are jealous of Winry's cup size because lets face it, some of you fangirls are flat chested. I don't mind, I like flat chested girls unlike some guys *stares at Greed* but you know…

Most of the fangirls didn't really pay attention. When Winry saw them raping Envy, out came the wrench.

The room was cleared in about ten seconds.

Winry rushed over to Envy. "Oh my god, are you okay?" She examined Envy, but Envy waved her away. "Im fine, just disturbed a little."

Winry asked him. "What they do?"

Envy shuddered.

In another room, Lust and Lan Fan were talking about boys.

"So how is Ling?" Lust asked curiously. Being in a relationship with a guy who was quite eager to bed with another person, Lust never really knew what a close relationship was like. It was more like tolerating Greed's habits of banging every chick that would have him. And that was nearly every single one., thanks to his body and his sheer "Greed-ness".

"Ling's really nice, he's passionate, and he's just great in be- er…great. He's great." Lan Fan sat awkwardly in the cheap "leather" chair in the hotel room. Lan Fan tried not to be outwardly show-offish about her and Ling, but sometimes, it was hard to not brag about their amazing relationship. They had fallen in love during the photo shoot, and she found it hard not to blush awkwardly during all those carrying scenes, or those fight scenes where she found him flexing and trying his best to make the watchers of FMA feel like it was an awesome fight scene. He really liked acting.

"Hmph. Greed just sorta, I don't know, sleeps around." Lust felt like whining. She hadn't slept with Greed before, and why wouldn't he? She had the curves, the body, the EVERYTHING, but why bang one when you can bang em' all? It's like playing Pokemon, gotta "catch em' all".

"mm…" Lan Fan decided to turn the TV on and purchase a movie. "What movie do you wanna watch?"

Lust thought for a moment. "Something funny."

Lan Fan browsed through the selection screen. "How about 'Bruno'?"

Lust frowned. "I heard that was really nasty and gay."

Lan Fan found a movie. "How about 'Epic Movie'? That one looks good."

Lust read the summary. "Sure."

Alphonse sat in his room. Normally, he was assigned with Ed as roommate. But since Ed was in the hospital in the hazardous chemical lab, things were kinda boring without him to watch, spying on Winry's room. God, Ed was such a pervert, he'd just gush blood from his nose at the slightest thing. Unless it was homo. Then Ed would just be like, EWE. Which was probably why Ed disliked Envy so much. Everything about Envy just screamed out GAY, from his skorts and midriff shirts, to his stuffed cat and his "sensitive" personality. Not that Alphonse hated Envy or anything, he just avoided him.

~In the Hospital~

"Urgh…." Ed moaned as the nurse treated him for skin damage. Padding the burn injuries with a pad and rubbing alchahol, the injury burned badly, but Ed, sedated and drowsy, barely felt anything other than a dull throbbing.

"Now take it easy and don't thrash okay?" The nurse said to him. "We don't want to shoot you up with morphine again."

Ed rolled his eyes and breathed in through the air mask. He was wired up to a whole bunch of electronics, monitoring his heart rate, breathing rate, etc… It was like some sort of zombie experimenting room. They injected him with some mystery virus and he became a zombie and infected the world. He loved zombie movies, like Resident Evil, and such. But unfortunately, he got serious nightmares afterward. Just the thought of being surrounded by things that don't feel pain, that don't die, that resemble the ones you like best…

Ew…. He couldn't whack at an undead busty chick. Like Winry. Had she not been so damn obsessed with Envy and more obsessed about him, this wouldn't have happened. It's all Envy's fault, the gay ass bastard…

DAY 7 END

Ed: Im in the hospital.

Envy: Im in a hotel.

Ed: Shut up, you're with Winry you fag.

Envy: Well you have free food and good TV service.

Ed: WELL SHUT UP.

ENVY: YOU SHUT UP.

Chris: *whacks both*

Ed and Envy: WTF CHRIS?

Chris: You two shut up. Im trying to type something.

Ed and Envy: YOU SHUT UP.

Chris: GOD DAMMIT DO I HAVE TO USE MY GOD POWERS?

Ed and Envy: ….. Nooo….. =.="


End file.
